OK so today is a good day. I have been chanting with my friends over at monthly tee club as an active member and most live in there clothes when I stream as there mainly retro gaming/unique designs so they stand out more. So they Anyway today I made an advertisement for them this was a test in my self confidence and after about 15 attempts and my laptop shutting down half way through as the battery ran flat but I got there

So alot has happened whilst I have been off work.

Redesigned my twitch channel got a discount code for my friends over at monthly tee club.. check them out and use code CKAYZDJGAME

Also have had 2 sessions of my trauma therapy. These have gone well working on coping mechanisms before the hard work starts. And the REM sleep kicks in.

My son broke his leg again joys of lockdown and being confined to a house and garden. Thats twice now once in each lockdown.

Graphics..

I’ve been making graphics lately so looking forward to revamping my pages etc… and working on a Level Up system as I grow

OK so i haven’t visited this blog for a while it turns out that my mind is still working out some kinks I really need to see a way out of this.

Drastically losing weight. I’ve lost a stone in the last 5-6weeks with not eating propperly and really need to just sleep for a week to recharge my batteries. But with family commitments this is hard at times.

See what happens with the 2nd wave as to what my upcoming streams are like but I need to try and get some out to build my confidence and show myself what I can do… hopefully the positives that follow will allow me to actually concentrate on them rather than look for positives.. i know its different having a good week at work then having one negative/bad thing happen that just makes you forget all of the positives.. at work you have commitments and guidelines to follow. Where as home life having a week of shit streams maybe a system crash no viewers a missed stream you know you only have “YOU” to impress. So you know your next stream your going to try that little bit better and improve so when you get that one Positive stream you can work on the next one being twice as better

Improving equipment on a budget.

I thought streaming would be easy that I could jump on twitch or Fb gaming and just have random people follow and like/share. Its not that easy going you have to earn your followers and status etc… so yeah that means a whole bunch of things to do 1,setup.. ok so i have a 2014 hauppauge pvr2 from 2014 when I made montage videos of call of duty,gta,gears of war etc.. thats topped with my asus gaming laptop from 2014 that needs a little tlc but will still play most new games it has an i7 processor blueray combo. 8gb mem (gonna update to 16gb soon) and a 2gb dedicated nvidia card… the only thing it wants upgraded to play MW 2019 is the GFX card so I still pretty much use it for my old favs and steam collection. I also have 2 bog standard ps4’s a 2tb ext hdd simply for MW 🤣😂 a 1080p cheap webcam my new £8 condenser microphone that is amazing couple cheap monitors and TV.. so now I have been streaming on and off for a few months around work and family commitments. Issues in past relating to sound/voice etc.. now this is rectified then step 1 is in action.

Step 2. Content.. ok so previously being a content creator I do my own music and gfx and have pretty much branded myself aswell as my partners business/shop on Etsy.com the only thing I have slipped back on is pretty much going through hours of recorded footage and clippibg/editing. Mostly as I had no way of recording voice… so now step 1 is done that helps step2

Srep 3 social network,promotions, im not going to buy my followers likes etc.. i want it all to come naturally, there fore im on discord, and daily promoting on Instagram Facebook and twitter as my channel is not for self gain other than confidence. And its directed at helping people get help and promote mental health etc. This is sometimes hard to do. As alot of thought needs to be added. But again now I have a functioning usb mic (ps4 rerouted via laptop mic-in via chat link via controller) now I can make a video all about my journey and what it means to me etc….

Anyway hope you all stay safe and remember to check in on that friend or family member you may not have heard from recently as the Times are getting harder..

EMDR THERAPY Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy A structured therapy that encourages the patient to briefly focus on the trauma memory while simultaneously experiencing bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), which is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories.

I will be updating my journey with this therapy and how it has helped me rebuild my confidence and trust as part of my streaming also how much I have raised via my treatments

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OK so i had my first insight into EMDR well after my Laptop allowed me to communicate the joys of having it setup to stream 🙃 so I had to think back to a few times in my life I have struggled and describe my feelings and what I see pictured in my mind.. so my pictures were blank then a flooded path and a campfire in the shape of a wigwam.. could this stem back to a past life.. have I been possessed by an entity from poltergeist. Who knows pretty much worked out that its initial trauma meaning hopefully a quick recovery who knows.. ive had a year to self heal as much as I could.